i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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