we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize