dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
