A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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