Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
