There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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