is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
