fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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