in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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