So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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