i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize