the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
