I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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