I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
