She just used a chaser for red wine.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
