That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
