yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
