y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
