I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
