we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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