You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
