just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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