Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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