I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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