I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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