Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize