I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
