capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
