Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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