I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
