I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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