Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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