remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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