Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
