you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
