Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
