He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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