Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
