My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
