"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
