sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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