I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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