Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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