Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
