What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
