and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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