I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
