this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
