My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
are you so shy because you have an std?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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