I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize