He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
