I got chris browned last night
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
