im drinking this country out of the recession.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
