Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
