I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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