u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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