Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
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