Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
