He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
