My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
