its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
