can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
