Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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