The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
