If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
