She announced her abortion via fbk
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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