honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
