He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
