What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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