i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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