I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
